You Seek True Love or Validations!
- Aug 6
- 5 min read
You say you want love.
But what if what you really want is to be chosen?
To be seen.
To be validated.
To be rescued from the ache of not feeling enough.
There’s a difference.
A profound one. Between wanting to be loved — and loving.
One is hunger. The other is wholeness.
This article is not about romantic advice. It’s about emotional truth. The kind that hurts before it heals. The kind that shows you why you keep chasing people who never stay — and how to stop.
The Hunger Beneath the Chase
You don’t chase love because you’re weak. You chase it because you were taught that love must be earned.
Be good. Be quiet. Be valuable. And maybe — just maybe — someone will choose you.
So you learned to perform. To please. To mold yourself into what others wanted.
And now, as an adult, you mistake attention for affection. You mistake intensity for intimacy. You mistake being wanted for being loved.
But the hunger never ends. Because no amount of external validation can fill the void left by self-abandonment.
Fromm’s Warning: Love vs. Need
Erich Fromm wrote that most people confuse love with emotional need.
They don’t love — they cling.
They don’t connect — they consume.
Real love, he said, is an act of giving.
Not a transaction.
Not a performance.
Not a strategy to avoid loneliness.
But when you’ve been emotionally starved, giving feels dangerous.
You fear rejection.
You fear invisibility.
You fear that if you stop chasing, you’ll disappear.
So you keep running — toward people, toward fantasies, toward the hope that someone will finally make you feel whole.
But wholeness doesn’t come from being chosen. It comes from choosing yourself.
Validation-Seeking Is Driven By Brain
Your brain is wired for survival. And in childhood, survival often meant pleasing others.
Neuropsychology shows that early emotional neglect rewires the brain’s reward system.
You become hyper-attuned to approval.
You associate praise with safety.
You associate rejection with danger.
This is why you:
Overthink every message
Panic when someone pulls away
Feel euphoric when someone compliments you
Feel worthless when they don’t
You’re not needy. You’re neurologically conditioned to seek external regulation.
But the solution isn’t more validation. It’s internal rewiring.
The Fantasy of Being Chosen
You want to be the one.
The exception.
The person who finally makes them change.
You want to be chosen — not just romantically, but existentially.
Because being chosen feels like proof.
Proof that you’re lovable.
Proof that you matter.
Proof that you’re enough.
But this fantasy is dangerous. It makes you tolerate crumbs. It makes you chase people who breadcrumb you. It makes you stay in relationships where your worth is constantly questioned.
You’re not chasing love. You’re chasing proof.
And love doesn’t need proof. It needs presence.
The Inner Child’s Longing
There’s a part of you that learned love was conditional — not through words, but through silence.
Through the moments when your tears were inconvenient.
Through the praise that only came when you performed.
Through the absence that taught you to earn presence.
This part of you — the inner child — doesn’t chase love for romance. It chases love for survival.
It believes that if you’re perfect enough, pleasing enough, quiet enough, someone will finally stay.
Not because you want affection — but because you fear abandonment.
Not because you crave intimacy — but because you dread invisibility.
So you chase. You over-function. You mold yourself into what they want — hoping they’ll give you what you never received.
But the truth is brutal: You’re not chasing love. You’re chasing emotional rescue. You’re trying to rewrite a story that was never yours to carry.
And every time you do, you abandon the one person who’s always been waiting for you — yourself.
The Cost of Chasing
Every time you chase love, you abandon yourself.
You silence your needs.
You shrink your boundaries.
You tolerate disrespect.
You betray your truth.
All for the hope of being chosen. But even when you’re chosen, it doesn’t feel like enough. Because you weren’t chosen for who you are — you were chosen for the mask you wore.
And that mask is exhausting.
It’s unsustainable.
Eventually, you break. Not because they left — but because you left yourself.
What Real Love Looks Like
Real love doesn’t ask you to chase.
It asks you to show up.
It doesn’t demand performance.
It invites presence.
It doesn’t punish your truth.
It honors it.
Real love begins when you stop outsourcing your worth. When you stop begging for attention. When you stop molding yourself into someone else’s fantasy.
It begins when you say:
“I am enough, even if you don’t choose me.”
“I will not abandon myself to be loved.”
“I choose connection that honors my wholeness.”
This is not arrogance. It’s emotional maturity.
The Shift: From Hunger to Wholeness
So how do you stop chasing?
You begin by asking:
What am I really seeking in this relationship?
What emotional need am I trying to fulfill?
What part of me feels incomplete without their attention?
What am I afraid will happen if I stop chasing?
Then you listen. Not to the noise of your fear — but to the voice of your truth.
You begin to:
Validate yourself
Set boundaries
Speak your needs
Choose partners who meet you with clarity, not confusion
This is the shift from hunger to wholeness, from chasing to choosing, from needing to loving.
Loving Without Losing Yourself
Carl Jung believed that individuation — the process of becoming whole — is the foundation of true love.
Because only when you know who you are can you love without losing yourself.
You stop projecting.
You stop performing.
You stop clinging.
You begin to love from fullness — not fear.
You say:
“I love you, but I will not abandon myself for you.”
“I love you, but I will not chase you.”
“I love you, but I will not shrink to fit your comfort.”
This is not cold. It’s courageous.
It’s the kind of love that heals — not wounds.
Begin to Authentic Love & Wholeness Pathway
If this message stirred something in you —If you’re ready to stop chasing and start loving — then begin.
The 30-Day Authentic Love & Emotional Liberation Program is your guided path back to truth. You’ll learn to release emotional hunger, reclaim your boundaries, and love from wholeness.
It isn’t a quick fix. It’s a psychological initiation — a daily unraveling of illusion, a reclamation of emotional truth, and a return to wholeness.
Across four transformative weeks, you’ll move through:
The deconstruction of romantic myths and emotional dependency
The integration of shadow and inner child wounds
The rebuilding of boundaries, self-worth, and emotional maturity
The embodiment of individuation, conscious love, and emotional sovereignty
This is not surface-level self-care.
It’s deep emotional excavation.
It’s the kind of healing that doesn’t just soothe — it transforms.
You’ll be guided through reflective prompts, somatic practices, and emotional rituals that help you:
Release what was never yours
Reclaim the parts of you you’ve disowned
Rewire the patterns that keep you stuck
Reconnect with the voice you abandoned
Rebuild relationships from truth, not trauma
You’re not here to be chosen. You’re here to choose yourself.
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